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The Cost of Integrity, The Value of a Cupcake.

“SCREEEECH” I (Unfortunately) recognized the sound as soon as I heard it. It was the sound of bumper scraping bumper. Even worse? I was turning into a parking spot at one of my places of respite the bookstore.  I was also on a mission…. the mission did not include my making a poor choice of parking spot and subsequently causing…

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devotional thoughts

Of Turtles and Trust and Trusting Again…. Even Here.

She was an average turtle. Living an average turtle life. Like turtles do. Every day, along with her turtle friends- she slowly made her way to the water lily and cat tail lined pond-that she called home. It’s where she found both the beauty and sustenance she needed to survive and thrive. One day, as she walked on the cool…

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Enough.

If my opinion of myself were a teeter totter it would teeter and totter between thinking I’m too much and not enough. I’m too loud. I’m too talkative. I’m too emotional. I’m too open. I’m too hyper. I’m too messed up. I’m too heavy. I’m too disorganized…. The “Too” list weighs me down and just when I flex my knees…

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Even Here- When the nest is so high- I can’t even see the eggs….

The momma robin dive bombs anyone (She’s not a fan of our dogs.) who come way too close. Poppa bird stands guard on the playscape. He’s ever-ready to protect his family while simultaneously making quick outings for their sustenance- and covering the eggs while momma bird does the same. That- and a bottom view of a well tended nest- is the only…

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Judged for Faith- By People of Faith…. Can we just please, stop? It’s not helping. I promise- I’ll stop fighting, too.

*****Dear Friends- First: This post is NOT pointed at any person- people I know. It’s about an ideology/theologies that have been hurting us during our cancer battle. The truth is I’ve been bumped by this everywhere from Target to restaurants and the Cancer center. There are versions of this that are secular, buddhist and universalist in it’s roots- wherein you…

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A Place of Rest Among Detritus.

Detritus: detritus (pronounced dee-try-tus) is non-living particulate organic material (as opposed to dissolved organic material). It typically includes the bodies or fragments of dead organisms as well as fecal material. Detritus is typically colonized by communities of microorganisms which act to decompose (orremineralize) the material. In terrestrial ecosystems, it is encountered as leaf litter and other organic matter intermixed with soil, which is referred to as humus.  Somedays, I feel like everything is falling apart around me. From…

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Empathy Exhaustion- In Which the Pain of Sandy Hook Becomes Physical and I Underestimate My Stress Levels.

I was fine, until I tried to move. Then pain shot across my shoulders like a lightening bolt in a July thunderstorm. It feels like there is a bungie cord stretched just beyond it’s limit, holding my head and arms captive at risk of a sudden “POP!” followed by  a breaking of the cord,  that will send my arms in…

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A little bird told me…..Even here.

We were 15 minutes late. Which- while it is  typical of being- well: me. Is  NOT what you want to be for your husband’s first appointment at radiation.  Talk about heaping extra stress on yourself when in an already stressful situation. Oy. However- you do your best when trying to get a kid to the bus and still manage to…

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Funny (and not so funny) things about being a mom and having surgery…

Funny things about being a mom and having surgery (Or maybe just funny things about being me and having surgery..) : 1) Surgery means pre-surgical nesting. (I had no idea this existed- but the evidence is under my bathroom sink. I HAD to clean it out. No- I do not know why.And- if you looked under there- you wouldn’t be…

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There Was a Crooked Woman…..

Don’t worry.  I’m not posting a limerick….  There really IS a crooked woman: me. I remember the day I found out just how ‘crooked” I am: I stood in line with 50 other pubescent girls. We giggled  and talked to avoid what awaited us at the end of the line.  “The examination.” We’d heard rumors about what it was like…

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