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Dear Ladies Room Users Everywhere: A PSA

It’s day 11 of my husband’s hospital stay. Since things are settling down with him, and I’ve used more public restrooms than a truck driver, in the past month- I thought I’d take a few moments to write a PSA for Ladies room users everywhere. Dear Ladies, Girls, Women, Chicks, Babes, Dames Insert your preferred choice of colloquialism for woman-…

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In Which a Heated Chair and an Allergic Reaction are Not the Same Thing- How We Survived Chemo Day 1,

Monday, we spent the day at the Cancer center. We needed to be educated to “choose” my husband’s next treatment plan. The whole idea- I find dumb. We are not doctors, how on earth are we supposed to choose? We didn’t even sleep at a Holiday Inn Express the night before. They gave us several “equal” options. Basically, it’s literally…

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In which I decide we need a DSMM- Diagnostic Statistical Manual Of Mommy Disorders….

Truth: I’m a mom. I am crazy. Also truth: I’m not the only one. In another life I used to use the DSM on occasion. It’s a helpful tool that professionals use to diagnose and treat mental disorders. (It can also convince you that you’re crazy if you buy one on clearance at the book store- and don’t know what…

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Garbage Jenga— “winner” takes all …the trash out…

Shoe boxes, sushi containers, empty coffee cans, paper towels with nefarious stains.  Empty milk bottles, dirty chopsticks and vaguely-recognizable foodstuffs. Each object is precariously perched upon another. A leaning tower of garbage. A haz-mat situation in the kitchen. Really? It’s a rousing family game of Garbage Jenga. What started as a necessary kitchen garbage can, has become a family past-time.…

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Life is Complicated… Underwear Shouldn’t Be

I walked into Walmart a woman on a mission.  I was focused. I was ready. I strode confidently past end-cap, after end cap full of impulse purchase inducing swag. I chuckled at “the man’s” lame attempts to dissuade me from my goal.  “No, no way,not today Mr Marketer. I am not buying a bag of BBQ Rib flavored potato chips……

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Christmas Card Conundrum. In which I both love and hate Christmas Cards.

Confession: I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas Cards.  I love getting them. But, sending them? Well…. The angst created by trying to choose a card that is both reflective of my sentiments AND respectful of others views….. and doesn’t come across like a tract…..is epic..  I don’t want to be preachy…. or deny God. I don’t want to send…

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Laundry Dysmorphic Disorder- In which I am incapable of appropriately loading a washing machine.

“Boom. Boom. BOOM BOOM BANG. Thump. thump thump thump thump!” No, it’s not the fourth of July. No, That is not the sound of me attempting  to conquer Just Dance on the Xbox 360. (Confession: it has however- been. In the past. PS: I lose. Always.) Contrary to the dusting of snow outside my front door… it’s also not the…

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The Last Time I Goosed a Stranger…..In which Insecurity leads to excessive spending, mayhem and humiliation.

Opening the invitation, I’ll admit my response: “Oh no. Not one of “those” events. You know….events where pretentious people gather and pretend to care, all the while making clear how important they are by name dropping, house dropping (not as exciting as when it involves witches with stripey hose and flashy shoes. This type of house dropping is mentioning aspects…

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I hate pumpkin and it knows it.

Half baked?  Been there. Burnt crust? Done that. Patio stone of burnt orange stink?  Done that, too. It can’t be my fault. I know how to cook. I can make homemade pasta, and my apple pies are epic. At least I thought I knew how to cook until I started my saga of Pumpkin pie baking. I have found 100…

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101 reasons why I'm an idiot

The thing about hair dye- it lies….(caution: do not dye your roots on “one of those days”)

I should have known better. The day did not start well. I stumbled down the steps and landed in not quite fresh cat-puke. The coffee maker malfunctioned and leaked coffee all over the counter. Not once, but three times. (I kept trying to make it work… addicted, much?) After sopping up the coffee and drinking what could only be called…

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