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From Fear to Wonder Opening my eyes to the stars in the darkest nights

The light switch in my childhood room was by the door. My bed was all the way across the room. I was so afraid of the dark that I’d close my eyes before turning out the lights and walking across the room like I was playing some game from the Ellen Show where you make your way blindfolded through a…

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A few of my best worst decisions…… 

I make bad decisions. At least Decisions that wouldn’t hold up to a pros and cons balance sheet test. Like getting married and having kids young. Like staying home when we could have really used a second income. (See above.)  Like buying half a duplex on a land contract. Like buying a cottage in the middle of a cancer battle.…

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 I have eye trouble…. I see what I’m looking for, not always what’s there.

I love photography. Maybe. Lately, I’ve been wondering if I actually love the way I can control and change perspective through photography.  The picture above is a good example. It’s a beautiful geode, isn’t it? Except, geodes don’t have technicolor striations. If I had taken the pic in it’s natural habitat and shown the backside instead of this one on…

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In which I cry and yell at God over answered prayer. 

“Thank you, Lord. Thank you so much for giving my kid this moment of joy.” Tears of thanks rolled down my cheeks as I thanked God for a fish. Yes. A fish. Actually, three fish. One caught by each of my sons while out on a charter with their dad. (Charters are a dad/son tradition on vacation. I take myself…

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Sin and the sinners who hate it. Aka: me. Learning to embrace and give grace to my dark side. #starryeyed

It happens everyday. I don’t do the things I should, and I say and do things I shouldn’t. For decades I’ve believed in God’s grace. But I mostly used it as fuel for self hatred.  “If I really love God shouldn’t I be able to follow his commandments?” More than that- shouldn’t I be like Jesus??? At least some days?? …

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“Write what you know” What Do You Write When you Don’t Want To Talk About What You Know?

It’s been quiet here. I know.  I’ve lived my writing life by the adage “Write what you know.” The problem is: I don’t want to talk about what I know. I’m sick of writing about cancer. I’m sick of writing about grief of all kinds and the struggle to get through it. I’m sick of writing about struggles. I’d really…

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Whistling in the Wind

“The sun will be out any minute. I can see a hole in the clouds moving this way.” This was my mantra for 45 goosebump-covered minutes while a whipping wind blew clouds over the lake. And over the lake. And back over the lake again. I was desperate for a few minutes of sun by the water. “I’m going to…

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Assuming the Best. Which I suck at. 

Assumption junction, it’s a crossroad where many relationships go off the rails.Someone says something, writes something or does something and we assume the absolute worst. The worst intent. The worst outcome. The worst meaning. The worst.  I’ve gone off the rails that that nasty spot too many time to count.  At home: I hear my kids say something when I’m…

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Target, Spaghetti Sauce and a Little Love

I know that feeling. Standing at the register, child in the cart, packing bags around them, one hand gripping all the cash you could find in your house and car  along with your debit card you’re about to play cashier roulette with. When the cashier tells you the total, you hand her the cash, then pray the debit card machine…

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You can’t always agree with what you read..(or get what you want, but if you try some times you just might find, you read what you need.) 

Truth: I don’t always agree with everything I read. I read anyway.  Truth: there is no one on earth I always agree with. (People, I question Jesus. Seriously. Some stuff he says is insane. I eventually believe it, but I’m being real. I question and disagree before I get there. Turn the other cheek? Love those who hate you? Insane.)…

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