Of grief and giggles

Grief. Is weird. It’s exhausting, it encompasses everything from savored joys to excruciating pain and everything in between. 

It also makes you do weird things. 

Like: 

  1. Awkwardly telling some poor kid just trying to wait tables for spending money, that your husband died and it’s Father’s Day …when she asks if you’re at Mongolian BBQ  for any special reason. Did I mean we were celebrating his death? No… but it sounded like it. Awkward. Ps: your kids will want to smack you for this level of awkward. 
  2. Deciding to fix your broken nail with superglue while waiting for the keurig to brew. Then, When ready, picking up your Wonder Woman mug to take it to “your spot”. Which would be fine, if, upon setting the mug down you didn’t discover it was glued to your finger because coffee goes flying across the room as you try to lift your hand away.
  3. Finding your iPod in the puppy pee pad box after a 2 day search. (Really? No clue.)
  4. Crying over dumb things like oranges and pop-tarts at Target. (Tip: ugly crying at Target scares people. It’s kind of fun to watch their faces.) 
  5. Buying and returning dumb things. Repeatedly.
  6. Words become chopped salad – open your mouth and you never know what you’ll get. Often- accidental swears. Try to avoid the obvs almosts . *shipt *gag *pass *cluck  etc. 
  7. Cleaning that makes things dirtier. (I can’t be the only one who does this.) 
  8. Laundry lunacy: the inability to remember how many times you’ve washed a load and when- leading to repeat washings.
  9. Randomly spouting awkward griefy things on Facebook, in person and to your kids.
  10. Laughing at weird things. And finding strange things funny. Like kissing your husband and hearing “I kissed a corpse” to the tune of Katy Pary’s “I kissed a girl.” In your head.
  11. Giggling raucously at the funeral start when your MIL with dementia sweetly and loudly  asks your pastor if he’s a Christian… then the funeral director. And probably some strangers-Because she’s just making sure. (I’m not the only awkward one;) 
  12. Finding all your loved ones stashes and laughing at the cray cray. (Really? How many headphones does one person need? Eyeglass cases? Old wallets? Or, notebooks with one note written in them? (Ok. I should recant that as cray… cause momma has a journal addiction !) 
  13. Getting ticked that your loved one did that annoying messy thing again… only to realize it was you. (Apparently I’m a pig.) You can’t blame dead people. Who knew?
  14. Suddenly deciding some task is a 10 on the importance scale of life and must be completed immediately. Like dying your roots when you need to be somewhere. Or, insisting on mopping before leaving for a concert. (Why? No clue.) 
  15. Like getting a puppy because your life isn’t crazy enough. Welcome Peanut. She’s a mutt. Duncan, Carson and Bella all love her. She brings extra joy and fun into our crazy. She’s also better than Valium. Seriously. 
  16. Like- reading the same thing 15 times without a clue what it said, then wondering if that counts as progress in Goodreads.
  17. Looking for everything as if it’s the lost sheep, coin and son- only to find it right in front of you. Then, briefly considering slaughtering the fattened calf because you found your iphone in your hand.
  18. Forgetting what you’re doing as soon as you walk into a room. Yes. Even the bathroom.
  19. Moving piles like it’s a game you’re set on winning. Especially mail. (Paper is the devil. Just saying. And death involves some seriously important paper. Move the piles just don’t throw anything out until you’re responsible (ish) you’ll know this is happening when you start to remember what you’re doing when you enter a room.
  20. Making copious lists that you forget to use.

If you’ve experienced grief- what weird things has it made you do???

Or is it just me? Being weird. Even here. In grief?

3 thoughts on “Of grief and giggles

  1. Melanie Nunez says:

    Girl, I do a lot of that stuff, and I’m not grieving. It’s nice to know our weird is just normal. I did dream that you and I were at a wedding reception together. We were really cutting a rug, and then it was time to leave and there was that awkward, “I’d really like to hug you, but we’re both REALLY sweaty!” dilemma playing in my mind. (Good to know that I consider hygiene in my subconscious.) You’ll be happy to know, I hugged you tightly, and didn’t feel your sweat. I hope you didn’t feel mine either. Praying for you and inspired by you daily.

  2. Beth Vogt says:

    I know I keep saying this, but I love you, girlfriend. And one of the reasons I love you is your honesty. And your humor.
    And now you bought a puppy.
    I thought I was the only one who wanted to buy a puppy whenever my heart a-c-h-e-d … so this is another “what, you too?” moment for us.

  3. Amy Hahn says:

    Oh my goodness I am doing so many of these now-a-days!! #16-20 happen multiple times a day. It’s like my brain has either shrunk or developed large holes that information slips out through. Possibly both. Grief is exhausting and horrible. As far as laundry lunacy, I just give you credit for being able to do laundry. I still don’t have the strength to do laundry 5 months later. A very nice lady from church offered to do laundry for us and I am so grateful to her for that. What other crazy things do I do in my grief? Forget to shower. Forget to eat. Sleep in my bed with no bottom sheet on it because it takes too much energy to find a clean fitted sheet and install it. Accidentally put dirty dishes in the fridge. Why? I honestly don’t know. I didn’t even remember doing it.

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