It started with control top hose. (Gate way undergarment, if you ask me.) then I got my first pair of Spanx, I layered them over the hose, and voila! A few less lumpy bits.
I like that so much, that I added a pair of the leg less style. Boom! 1/4 inch smaller waist!
Next, I discovered hook and eye waist cinchers. I’d look to say I dropped the Spanx and switched up my game for safety, but I didn’t. I added the cincher over the hose, the Spanx and the legless Spanx.
I may have lost another 1/2 inch.
At first I just wore this contraption for special occasions. Then, I worried that people would think I’d gained weight since they last saw me, if I didn’t wear them when ever I went out. Hello. I’m shallow and of course everyone is think about my weight. Duh.
Except, I had a hard time breathing. And eating. (Although I didn’t lose weight, of course.) My muffin top may have been minimized, But all that squish has to go somewhere, so I developed what could only be called horizontal leg baguettes. They popped out across my thighs, right where the Spanx ended. It also left some pretty horrific red marks when I took this contraption off. I looked look a beaten sausage removed from it’s casing. Not good.
There were a few times when the red marks became bruises at my hips. But hey, it’s for fashion, right? Beauty is pain and all that crap?
Then a whole bunch of things happened in our life that caused me to have to leave the house sans Spanx. (Cancer, emergencies surgeries stuff like that.) I didn’t have time to dress like the snow suit kid in a Christmas story. I also started to recognize my need for breathing. Breathing eventually became more important than a 3/4 inch smaller waist.
Guess what? No one noticed. Except my husband. He thinks my butt looks better without Spanx. Who knew?
Guess what else? I could breathe easier and my body didn’t hurt so much when I put my Jammie’s on every night.
So, dear ones. I quit Spanx. I still see their value and have some in the drawer just in case. But I quit the daily addiction.
Life is hard. Life is sometimes painful. Underwear shouldn’t make it harder or more painful. For real.
Today I say: rejoice in the lumpy bumpiness that is you. Free yourself from the confinement of refinement.
Be thankful for the body you have. And let it be. Muffin top, bundt-cake butt, baguette boobs and all. (Well, maybe keep the girls in a baguette holder.. I just don’t find them bumping my knees all that comfortable.) and skinny girls? Don’t pad yourself up till you’re sweating and dying from foamification. You deserve to breathe and be, too. #truth
So. It’s been a year without Spanx. Do I get a Spanx sobriety chip or something? Maybe it should be made of aerogel….or Lycra.
Dear lord, I wish this were hyperbole, but you know it’s mostly truth. Please help me to care for myself and not worry about the size of my thighs and width of my waist, so much. Help me to breathe deeply of your love and to allow myself to breathe deeply the air I need. Help me to accept myself as I am, and to fiercely embrace my lumps and bumps. I am wonderfully and fearfully made- help me know that full well. In Jesus Spanx-less name, amen.
Ps: breathing and less pain in your life? Is a good thing.