I over-think things. Okay, not just “things.” I over-think everything. I run best and worst case scenarios like someone installed some twisted problem solving algorithm in my head. (I’m sure it’s the government, they want to distract me from taxes. I’d probably wear a tinfoil hat if they came in leopard print. Just sayin.)
It’s not all worry. Some of it is preparation for the inevitable chaos of cancer, and some of it is obsessive dreaming. (I like best case scenarios. I cannot lie.i dream about book signings and tours and what shoes to wear for the launch. Actually, I already bought the shoes I’ll wear for the launch. I was a Girl Scout, always be prepared!
Here’s the thing: sometimes I get so far down the road of best and worst cases, that I totally forget to just do the next thing. Which is usually the only thing that really matters at the moment, anyway.
The truth is, thinking too far ahead is a waste of time. Too many variables and time can change up my plans, A, B and C-Z, regardless of my genius thinking and option building.
The bible says to consider the lilies of the field. They don’t worry about what to wear, they don’t worry about their pollination plan or their life span etc. They simply grow and bloom whatever the next thing is in that moment.
Monday my husband is having a minor surgical procedure to hopefully solve some pretty craptastic issues we’ve been dealing with. Instead of letting the algorithm run rampant, I’m just. Doing. The. Next. Thing. Which happens to be: laundry. (Shocking, I know.)
I don’t have a clue what the algorithms in your brain are working on right now. But I’m praying we both find the balance between preparation and obsession, and just. Do. The. Next. Thing.
Dear lord, you made me and know me. You gifted me with a brain that can problem solve and plan. I’m thankful for that. You also know sometimes that gift gets its panties in a bunch and I need some help focusing on the very next thing. Help me do that today and always, I love you lord, amen.