In Which a Small Fear grows into a Small Brave that Turns into Big Brave.

“I’m not the artsy one.”

“My handwriting is illegible- there’s no way I can draw.”

“Words, are as close to art as I can get.”

“Photography is my art.”

I’ve said and believed, all of the above. And in the back of my mind I always dreamed of being able to paint pretty pictures. To transform my words, and photography into watercolors… I have no idea why.

I love watercolor paintings.

I think it goes back to being in elementary art- you know- back when I didn’t know I wasn’t “good enough” to make art. I remember the joy of wetting paper and dripping and brushing paint across it and watching what happened with the colors. It was like magic.

Then: I grew up. And i learned what “real” art looks like. I learned though out junior high and high school that my “drawing” wasn’t good enough.

I stopped trying.

Even in my handwriting. The truth is: I don’t bother trying even when I sign my name. It’s a joke. My friends all know: “Tracey’s is the illegible card at the holidays.”

During this years’ MOPS Theme: “Be you, Bravely” I’ve been confronted with something: Somewhere along the line- my “not good enough,” became a fear of art.

I fear art. I avoid galleries. I avoid anything that involves a pen and paper, let alone paint.

I love creativity- so I just stick with my safe things. Words. Yarn. Photography.

Which is fine.

Except, fearing art is: ridiculous. Especially when you don’t even try.

I talked to a friend about it. A friend who’s artwork is inspiring, and who’s art I actually wear on my body. @CeeJay Inky Jones. My friend and tattoo artist.

Cee Jay seems to think I can learn to paint. She’s spending time teaching and encouraging me. It matters.

A lot.

I started trying.

So far: I’ve made these: The Beach scene at he bottom is my first one. Are they art? I don’t know.  Are they good? They are better than Having never tried. I’m trying to do a quick picture each morning.

Interestingly enough- painting is making me braver in other ways.

I gave a talk that was way out of my wheelhouse of speaking topics.

I submitted a few things outside of my comfort zone.  Things I don’t really feel adequate to speak into. But, I’ passionate (and opinionated) about.

I’m editing chapters and getting ready for the next phase of the book project.

Maybe- bravery grows. Like seeds. Or weeds….. Maybe bravery just needs a little encouragement and someone to walk beside you. Hold your hand and guid the brush once in a while.

It’s making a difference to me.

So- What are you afraid of? What thing have you given up on? What would happen if you tried? What if you asked for the help of someone who knows how? What if a small step towards bravery led to something bigger?

It’s worth a shot.

“Dear Lord- You know how messed up my idea what I can and can’t do, is. Help me to be brave and try new things. Help me to set aside fear and embrace the journey of imperfect learning and trying. Help me to learn. Thank you for friends who encourage me and believe in me. Help me take the next steps… Whatever they are and where ever they lead- in Jesus name- Amen.”

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2 thoughts on “In Which a Small Fear grows into a Small Brave that Turns into Big Brave.

  1. Sandra Sullivan says:

    I love everything about this blog…..and really love the orange flowers best! Since you are on this “brave” kick…..let me know when you are ready for piano lessons, Tracey!!!!

    1. If you weren’t so far away, sandy/ I’d be all
      Over that!!!

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