Being Me, Bravely- Brings Joy. Even when I fail.

IMG_7085Not everything I try, works.

Like the time I tried to put a wall paper boarder around the ceiling of the tiny bathroom at our first house. That involved standing on a kitchen chair in a slippery bathtub. Then, holding up the boarder and attempting to smooth it- until it adhered. It also involved: the chair slipping backwards as I was pressing forward. Not a good plan. Epic #fail.

Then, there’s the time I went through 6 gallons of milk, trying to make homemade mozzarella. I ended up with a tasteless wad of goo. And could have bought a cow for the amount of money I spent on supplies not to mention, the time wasted. #fail.

I have gone through years of arguing with my youngest about staying in his bed. I tried bribery, I tried threats. I bought him a bed a few years ago. Nothing I tried, worked. I thought he needed counseling. (Or, that I did.) I kept sending him back to his bed. I thought I was being a good- tough mom.

He kept saying it was his bed. “It’s not comfortable, I always fall out.” Last week, I finally ordered him a new one. Guess what? He’s sleeping without any problem. No more waking up in the middle of the night. He wakes up refreshed. I was WRONG.

Sometimes, I write and post things and hear crickets instead of comments, after I hit post.

Sometimes, I submit gut wrenching articles and have them not fit the publishing calendar. (FYI: new writers? Always find out what your target publication is looking for before you hit submit. If it doesn’t fit- look at other avenues, blog it or save it for a future date or opportunity.)

Occasionally, I speak to a group and it doesn’t strike a chord.  Either they don’t get- or like, my jokes.  Or, they may not  find what I have to say particularly applicable. There are usually a few people just don’t like ME, in general.

Here’s what I’m learning: It doesn’t really matter if I fail or, succeed. It’s the being brave that changes me.

When I’m brave enough to put myself out there- to  be me, bravely:

  • I find courage- because I try.
  • I find peace- because I’m not pretending.
  • I find fulfillment, because I’m being and doing what I’m called to be and do.
  • I find joy- in the being.

I’m pretty sure God does, too. He’s the one who crafted me just as I am…. It’s in the trying- that bravery and trust are grown. It’s not in the success or failures…but in doing the next thing.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)

Psalm 119

“Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. 74 May those who fear you rejoice when they see me,for I have put my hope in your word. 75 I know, Lord, that your laws are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.76 May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.77 Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight.

Dear Lord- Give me courage to be me- bravely. Thank you for showing me joy in the BEING- regardless of the outcome. I love you lord. Amen.

**in the picture are 2 feathers- one black and one white. The black one came from MomProm. at #MomCon 2014. It reminds me that being brave in failure, matters. (I may or may not have had a few faux-pas during MomCon. I was beyond stressed and not at my best. But- I found out that just by BEING there- it mattered.)

Then- there’s a white feather, it’s from one of our bedroom pillows- a place that has become a daily exercise in bravery- as I take care of my husband in ways I never thought I could- and am learning that I can. #cancerstillsucks.

Being me bravely, in both failure and success- brings joy. Who knew?

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