I can almost hear that famous 80’s wrestle mania announcer as I step into the ring, ready to wrestle. (It’s been a long time since I’ve watched wrestling… I’m not actually- a fan. You probably guessed that already.)
Except, I’m not wearing golden underpants, (well- not in public) a mask or a cape. Actually? Right now? I’m wearing my horridly wonderfully comfy yoga shorts and a yoga top that has never seen a yoga class. With slippers, of course.
But- trust me, I’m wrestling. Not with a famous wrestler… that would just be awkward, and hurt. I’m wrestling with God.
On the surface- that IS probably even dumber than the idea of me stepping into a WWF ring. Me? Wrestle God? HELLO? I’m going to lose.
- God is considerably stronger than me. (Duh.)
- God knows every move I’m going to make before I make it…(can’t exactly pull a slick move on God.)
- Between an autoimmune disorder, arthritis and 3 neck surgeries- body sucks- I can barely wrestle my 8 pound shorkie without injuring myself….let alone GOD.
However-If you look deeper- it’s exactly what I need to do.
I’m not the first one to wrestle with God. I’m in good company. For the record-I don’t think Jacob wore golden underwear, either.
In the story linked above- (Go ahead- read it- I’ll wait…) Jacob is facing the potential wrath and attack of his brother. (Yup- families have been dysfunctional since the very beginning.) Jacob sent gifts to pacify him. (hey- bribery works- sometimes.) Jacob then sent his family across a river- to a safer place. (Safer meaning: away from him.)
Jacob stayed back and wrestled WWF style all night. Literally. With an angel of God. That’s hardcore. Jacob refused to let go until the angel blessed him. Around sunrise- the angel did just that. After touching Jacob’s hip and causing him to walk the rest of his days with a limp…. (Jacob didn’t let go – he kept wrestling- even with that limp.)
“Finally The angel let Jacob know that he’d actually spent the night wrestling with God… and that God had decided to bless him. But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.””27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”“Jacob,” he answered.28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[f] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”
Most of my readers know that the past few years have been especially rough for me and my family. We’ve faced losses, the decline of my husband’s parent’s health, (oh- what a mess that is.) I’ve had 4 major surgeries, and My husband was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. Add to that: daily life, common core curriculum homework, other personal issues and the effects that all this has on our family and loved ones? We’re a mess.
We feel battle worn and tattered. And- much like Jacob- we feel like we’re facing an approaching enemy.
This week- we’re fully engaged. Tattered and tired or not- we’re wrestling. Today- is the day my husband starts chemo.
And today is another day I refuse to let go of God, until he blesses me.
Yes, I am wrestling. With emotions- with fear, with fury. with cancer, and yes-with God. I desperately want God to spare my husband’s life.
Honestly? I think Jesus may have a new set of nail scars- from my fingernails. Because I am holding on as tight as I can. I will not give up. I might be hurt in the fight. I might walk away with a limp- but I won’t let go.
How about you?
Are you facing an attack? An enemy? Whether it’s cancer, sickness, loss, work problems, kid problems, emotional issues, eating disorders, addictions… whatever it is…
I hope you’ll join me in the ring…. (Golden underpants optional.)
Let’s be brave and wrestle and hold onto God until he blesses us- how ever he sees fit- and what ever the cost.
We might be hurt in the wrestling. We might walk away with a limp- but the blessing will be worth it. God’s blessings always are.
Entering the ring is scary. It does;t feel brave. The lights are bright and the noise is deafening. The risks are huge. But what I’m learning is this: Sometimes starting out scared- ends in bravery.
Here’s to wrestling scared.
“Dear Lord- you know every detail. Of my life and the lives of my readers. Make us brave Lord- give us courage to wrestle through whatever we face today. We won;t let go util you bless us- whatever the cost…. Because we love you- we know you are good and you desire to bless us…I love you Lord- even here- in the wrestling ring. Amen. ”