“I can’t believe I said that.” “Will I ever learn?” “Why did I do that?” “That won’t very Christ-like of you.” “Yup- straight to hell for that one.” “I never should have done that.” I wish I hadn’t done that.” “How stupid can I be?” “There is no way someone as jacked up a mess as me- can be helpful to anyone.” “If GM can re-call all these cars- why on EARTH DOESN’T GOD JUST GO AHEAD AND BRING ME IN FOR SERVICE? Obviously- I’m defective.”
These are just some of the ways my heart condemns me. I second guess. I wallow in regret. I doubt. My heart- condemns. Me. When my heart condemns? I end up a mess. Paralyzed. Broken. Hurt.
I know- It’s my brain. It’s my heart. I should be able to stop it. Sometimes, I do. And the verses from my devotions the other day are the way that I can….By loving with words and action in truth. By setting my hurt to rest in that truth the way I used to have to put cranky little ones down for naps- sometimes by closing the door and leaving them be.
And most of all- by remembering: God is greater than my heart. HE alone know everything- and he choses not to condemn.
He chooses to love.
Even me. Even here. In the middle of my jacked-up imperfect mess.
Today- I chose to trust this truth. It’s enough.
Maybe – when my heart isn’t so busy condemning me for things God doesn’t- I’ll have the confidence to do the next thing- love the next person- trust Him, in the next thing.
I’m praying you will too.
“Dear Lord- my heart condemns me- gel me to rest in you- help me to have confidence in the fact that you are greater than my heart. Keep my heart’s condemnation from keeping me from you and the things you’ve planned for me to do, before I was born- In Jesus name amen PS- Lord? I’d still be ok with that service recall- especially if it took place on a beach.)
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