Son: “I can’t. Green grapes are gross.They’re sour. I only eat red ones.”
Mom: “These green grapes are not gross they’re sweet. Eat them.”
Son: “I will throw up.”
Mom: “You will not.” Mom eats grape to prove their yum-factor. “See? Would I lie to you?”
Son: Looks at mother incredulously. “They’re sour. I can tell.”
Mom: Makes older sons eat grapes and attest to their sweetness.
Son: Not convinced.
Mom: Loses her mind. Possibly due to stress, PMS or just plain old mom-variety cray-cray. Decides to force child to “taste and see”… after all it’s (almost) biblical. (Forget about the context- I told you she’d lost her mind.)
Son: Sees “that look” in moms eyes. Clenches jaw, shakes head.
Mom: Takes a grape and decides to mush it against son’s teeth just so he can taste the juice…..and her point can be made. (It made sense at the time.These things always do.)
Mom: Smashes grape against son’s front teeth.
Son: Begins to scream. Not because of the flavor of the grape- but because of the flavor of: blood.
Son: Running to the bathroom- blood, spit and grape juice dripping from his mouth like a vampire who’s feasted after a 6 month fast. “YOU KNOCKED OUT MY TOOTH!!!”
Mom: Dies inside. Has visions of DSS arriving at any moment to remove all minors from the home. Also thinks for a brief moment: that might be a good idea. Grabs a dark colored washcloth to hide the blood from the green grape hater’s view. Because the only thing he hates more than green grapes is blood. Double bonus bad mom points.
Much crying- and apologizing and basically spoiling of child to make ammends-later-
Mom: “But the grape was sweet. I told you so.”
Son: “It tasted like blood.”
Mom: Never buys green grapes again. Is thankful they are homeschooling so child doesn’t go to school and tell this story tomorrow.(Although it will be told 12 million times over the course of their lives. Fact: son is only 12 now. Still won’t eat green grapes- tells everyone he meets this story. because: His moms a dork.)
Tooth Fairy- left a ridiculously huge guilt offering. (One of the few times she actually remembered to show up.)
Names withheld to protect: ME.
The bad mom.
Who always says:”never fight battles you can’t win- like food, sleep and potty.” The pastoral counselor who specialized in working with kids.
Yup. Her. I mean: me.
She’s not alone. You’re not alone. We’ve all been there. Done something crazy to make a point to our child- only to have it totally backfire.
My youngest still loves to tell the story about that time I knocked out his tooth at the dinner table….
He leaves off the fact that it was hanging my a gummy-thread. Of course.
Parenting is hard. There is no user manual that tells you how to get your strong willed child to just TRY the stupid green grapes.
We all make mistakes. We all NEED SOME HELP HERE. If you’re that mom- struggling to figure out what to do when your kid makes life difficult- I encourage you to read Kathi Lipp’s new book- “I Need Some Help Here” Because we all do!
Here are other some ways to connect with Kathi- you’ll want to- trust me- she’s been there- she gets it and isn’t afraid to share it.