When we have really bad days (i.e.: Mommy is screamy pms-y or the kids are crabtabulous and no one handles it well.) I like to call for a do over. I yell out: “Erase!” and we try to get back on track. (Off the crazy track anyway.)
This summer has been a string of bad days. We started off well with a great trip to Denver…. but then it went to crap. Surgery, recovery, meds, pain, doctor’s appointments, physical limitations, Physical therapy appointments, kid issues, financial issues, house issues (WHY does everything go to crap at the same time??? If it’s Murphy’s law at work…. then: I hate Murphy. Justsayin.) We had health issues, dental issues. and even pet issues..
While everyone else breathes sigh of relief and looks forward to kids going back to school….. (I have SOO been there. 20+ summers worth of WHEN DOES SCHOOL START?) I want a summer do over.
Granted- We tried to make the best of it. We played video games together instead of bike rides. There were some epic pool parties complete with a pint sized bbq maters….We took time to eat together. We relaxed the rules and went with the flow. We talked. We cried. We survived. But… We missed out. No camping. No afternoons in the park. No fishing. No long bike rides with slushie rewards. Even hammock time was limited. In short- our summer sucked.
School starts next week for the college boys and the first week of September for the youngest
Backpacks are ready, classes are paid for, uniforms purchased and supplies accumulated…. but I’m just not ready. I like summer bonfires in the backyard. I love bbq’s and long slow afternoons lakeside.
I also know my summers with college boys living at home will soon be ending. This is not the kind of summer I wanted to be one of our last.
I think I’m grieving a bit. I also feel ripped off. Like the rest of the world got a summer break but we got cancer panic and neck crap and basically- crap.
I also feel out of sync with the rest of the mothering world…..The homeschoolers are ready to get back to schedules and activities… those with kids in school are ready for the structure.
I’m not. Can I be the only mom in the world who’s ready Prep-wise but not emotionally for back to school?
Fortunately- we have a vacation coming up. We’re going to our happy place. A timeshare “up- north.” I’ll be honest- the temptation is to try and pack in everything we missed out on this summer it that single week. Which would honestly be: crazy making and miserable. It would mean running everyone ragged and require a recovery time that we just don’t have. Instead…. we’ll choose savor it. The family time. The sunshine. The water. The rain- if that’s what we get. We’ll visit our favorite places…. we’ll fish. we’ll laugh. we’ll be stupid in public and annoy each other.
It will be wonderful.
In truth- we had a summer. The season came- it didn’t pass us by. We just experienced it in a different way than we have in the past. The truth is…I’m feeling better. My neck is slowly healing. I’ve listened to my doctor and followed the rules. My husband has been working at losing weight in preparation to fight the next round with his cancer. He’s been working as hard as he can while he’s able. The kids have been helping with everything from caring for the youngest to doing laundry and cleaning house all while working to pay their share of college related costs.
While I’m not ready for summer to be over…. I think this summer has changed me. Next summer- I think (hope?) I’ll be better able to savor the little “normal moments.” I think I’ve taken our summers for granted in the past. I’ve rushed through them. Either cramming them too full or wishing them away… (Um kids can make you crazy during the summer- between the fridge being left open and their desire for you to be an entertainment /cruise director it can make a momma wish for summer school. justsayin.)
But- I still want a do over. JUST NOT OF THE SAME KIND we had this year. I want a plain old- busy and bored till you’re ready to back to school summer.
So my question…. am I the only one? Could I be the only mom who wishes for a couple more months of summer?
If you had a couple more months of summer what would you do?
My list would be simple:
- lakeside time- fishing and pic-nicking.
- Backyard bonfires that include scientific burning of random items. (3 boys. Enough said.)
- Camping. At least once.
- Sunning myself like a cat.
- Getting the neighborhood kids together for lame events.
- Hammock time.
- Nothing time.
- A fourth of July do over. (I spent the fourth in the hospital a day post surgery… I vaguely remember Facetiming during backyard fireworks. )
Somebody tell me I’m not alone…. If you want a do over- tell me why. Did you over schedule? Did you not do enough silly fun stuff? Did life take a turn that changed your plans? Did you try too hard? Or did you let it slip by too busy with work- or upkeep to enjoy it?
Dear Lord- you know how I feel about this summer. I’m disappointed. Frustrated. Feeling ripped off and like my kids got ripped off. Lord— help us to recharge and trust that life will get better. Help us enjoy the time we have left- especially our vacation. Help me remember how this feels- so that next year I’ll enjoy it more in the middle. Amen.