1) Without prostate cancer- I’d never have known that prostate plushies, exist. Prostate plushie’s give you the opportunity to say things like: “Put your father’s prostate down.” And: “Can you get Daddy’s prostate from the dog, before she rips a hole in it?” In addition to: “Your father’s prostate is not for playing soccer.” Which is most certainly, awesome. (Well- awesomely- hilarious.)
3) Prostate Cancer is pretty much the ultimate excuse. Miss a meeting? Blame cancer. Late on a payment? It’s cancer’s fault. Spend too much? You were “coping.” Say something stupid? It’s the Cancer talking. I mean…Who’s gonna get mad at a cancer patient, or his wife? (Well- I do. occasionally. Let’s just say- just because my husband has cancer doesn’t mean he’s suddenly perfect. Nor am I. We both blame his cancer, we’re married, that’s how it works.)
4) Prostate Cancer is the ultimate leverage. Want something? Make a Wish. It works for everything….vacations, work. home. dinner. Whatever.Who can turn down Prostate cancer patient? (Hint: I can.)
5) Prostate Cancer is the ultimate de-sensitizer to talking about your sex life with strangers. (Not sure this is a good thing.) However-uour hang ups? Get hung up. The conversations we’ve had with medical personnel (I think they were medical personnel… they wore white coats.) have been rated, at best-Rb. For: Really embarrassing at first, but now? Pretty much: boring. I think I’ll start making things up. I wonder what it would take to freak the cancer center people out? hmmmm…..
6) Prostate Cancer means people will pray for you- but won’t ask to lay-hands. This gives you the perfect opportunity to announce in your prayer circle: “Don’t worry, you don’t have to lay hand’s on it.” Which, pretty much freaks people out. It’s FUN. (In a sick- it’s fun to break the ice and say what everyone’s thinking anyway- kind of way. Otherwise: fun for Me. )
7) Prostate Cancer means you learn all kinds of areas of “rehab” that don’t involve celebrities or drug addictions.
8) Prostate Cancer quickly makes you learn the difference between PROSTRATE, which is something angels, holy people and klutzes do when in prayer or worship or when tripping over nothing.. and PROSTATE which is something that doesn’t usually fall flat on it’s face in worship or trip over anything and land flat on it’s face. FYI: Prostate’s- unless plush do not have faces, or legs.
9) Prostate Cancer broadens your knowledge of PSA’s.PSA- Public Service Announcement= Good. PSA-Prostate Specific Antigen= Bad.(Especially when you HAVE NO PROSTATE.)
10) Prostate Cancer means people will set you up for all kinds of awesomely hilarious lines, such as:
“God’s already got this.”
To which you may reply, either: “I didn’t even know he was sick.” Or, “Whew. I had hoped the lab reports were mixed up.”
“I hear that’s the best kind of cancer to get.”
To which you can reply- “Awesome- want to swap prostates? Cause I want you to have the very best….”
11) Prostate Cancer means the term: “digital” no longer just applies to downloadable content. (It also means your wife may or may not leave the room for your “digital” downloads. It gets to be like prenatal OB appointments…. “modesty” is pretty much a forgotten word. (kind of.)
12) Prostate Cancer means you get to plan a “Beginning of Radiation” Afterglow party. Complete with glow sticks and black lights.
13) Prostate Cancer invades your life, tests your faith (You can pass the test- you’ll need God when you’re done being mad at him. And maybe especially, when you are mad at him.), mess with your head, and your family- but, your sense of humor cannot be metastasized. Unless you let it. I suggest not to let it.
because- if you are facing Prostate cancer- You will need it.
Dear Lord- Our attempt at taking a break from cancer has kind of failed. We wanted not to think about it for a few weeks. But Cancer creeps up and yells “BOO” every time we turn around. Lord- the truth is- I don’t like this game. This week we’re going back to the doctor to find out the next steps in killing this cancer. It’s scary, it sucks and I hate it. I hate not being able to problem solve and fix it. I hate not knowing what the outcome will be. But I will say this- there is no one I’d rather go through this with, than you… and the man you brought into my life to love. In sickness and in health. In humor and in grief. Please help us to find humor and joy in this mess…I love you Lord- and ask once again for your healing and continued presence- even here- in Prostate cancer. Amen.
If you’re reading- and you’re facing something similar, something that’s hard, and stinks and that you hate… I’m praying you can find some humor in it… even if it’s slightly sarcastic humor…. humor helps. Laughter is good like medicine… which I interpret as: Way better than Vicodin.
Laugh. If not at yourself… then at my husband’s (stuffed) prostate. 😛