I wasn’t going to tell you.. but I changed my mind.

My heart is racing. My run has been over for hours.No.. I’m not having a panic attack or a heart attack… . it’s not a delayed response to the sudden onset exercise.  I’m nervous.  OK- so I’m afraid. Scared, actually.

Within minutes, one of my book proposal ideas is very casually going to be mentioned (presented) to a publisher. By someone else.

I am (basically) freaking out. I’m afraid if it’s a go, that I’ll have to actually produce content.. I’m afraid if it’s a no, I’ll be crushed. (I won’t I’ve had other no’s and handled them. Also honestly?  I think a “No” would make the most logical sense. (Not because of my writing, not because of the idea.. I think it’s marketable fresh and needed) but because of how tough the publishing market is.

Honestly, I thought about ducking for cover and not trying.  I thought about saying “It’s not ready” and fiddling with it for another 9 months. I could have made it sound very holy.  I could have said: “God hasn’t given me a green light.” I would have been lying. I didn’t.

But, I thought about it. I wasn’t even going to tell you. Why?  Cause I am afraid I’ll fail in public.

So why am I telling you?

Cause maybe YOU are afraid of something, too.  Maybe you’re afraid of a final exam, taking that last statistics class, making a life change, or taking a risk. Maybe you’re afraid that your best won’t be good enough.

Well- here’s the thing. I am too. I think we all are.

But there is only one way to find out.

By trying.

By taking the risk.

By giving it our best.

So.  Here I sit. Scared out of my mind, and wondering what will happen next, and sharing it with you.

It’s not comfortable. (I kind of  feel like throwing up, actually)  But you know what?  It feels better than living a story that ends with me chickening out and starting to collect cats and teapots. (oops- I may have watched an episode of “hoarders” to kill some time this afternoon.)

Recently Don Miller posed the question: What If….

Well, hold on, we’re about to find out. What If I actually stopped talking about a book proposal and presented one? (Or had it presented… whatever:P)

(Oh BTW.. please pray for good news..that would be good. I’m asking God for this: I’d like to write a book. (As opposed to a bonfire which is it’s alternate outcome:P)

Here is what I know.. this is my Sacred Echo… I’m sending it out to see if it resonates. PING!

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Words that are true- regardless of the outcome of any meetings- today or other days.

3 thoughts on “I wasn’t going to tell you.. but I changed my mind.

  1. Christina says:

    Tracey,
    Good stuff! I will be praying for a YES! I find myself scared of the same thing. I have a genius idea and then I might need to put the work behind it to work it. Yikes!

  2. Thnx Christina… I posted it because I think being real about fear and overcoming it is part of the process of becoming who God has for us, and doing what he’s planned for us.

    I keep telling myself: just take the next step.

    Praying you will too:)

  3. Audra Krell says:

    Hi Tracey! I have these same fears exactly…..spent a year on a proposal, not really even working on it, just not sending it out. (As you know there is a significant difference!)
    I’ve been getting rejected up and down by big publishing houses and agents. And then today a great agent said she’d “love” to see my proposal after the killer query I wrote. It was a good start to the day.
    I’m dying to know how it turned out for you!

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