Dirty Microwave, Bane of my Existence. Leech of my Time.


The dirty beast crouched in the corner.  The brave and well armed Knight-ess of clean, raised her bottle of Windex in what could only be percieved as an act of war.  The beast growled, for a moment- a strange glow emanated from the dark gape that could be it’s mouth. A beep sounded. The Knight-ess wondered if it was an alarm, understood only by like-beasts, calling for help. Glancing to her right and left- she saw no beasts coming to it’s aid.  A ruse.  She saw right through it.

Undaunted, the shining Knight-ess thrust her paper- towel lance forward.  The “SQUEAK” of wet toweling on plastic, metal and glass deafening.  Her arm shook with effort.  Sweat stood out on her brow.  Just when she thought her battle was won, the beast, with new-found dirt (hiding in the not so wonderful too clean, grilling element) struck back.  What she thought was clean- alas, was speckled with dried Spaghettio’s and tomato soup.  Withdrawing her arm, she bumped the glass, leaving a smudge of sweat and (quite possibly) tears.  The beasts haunting , blue-green blinking (12:00) eyes glared at her in an assumption of victory.

The Knight-ess dug deep into her soul… with a mighty cry of “Tonight, we dine in CLEAN!” She deftly swiped at the dirt.  One. More. Squirt.  And the deed,  was done.   In place of a beast stood a shining clean appliance.

The Evil Microwave was defeated.

Clean ruled the kitchen once more. (well- most of it) All hail the Knight-ess!  Huzzah! Hoorah!  The Knight-ess soon found herself surrounded by a cheering crowd. (wouldn’t that be nice?… especially when I clean the floor around the toilet— I deserve it!)

That night-along with the King and Princes of her beloved kingdom,  she not only dined in clean… she dined OUT.


Why hasn’t anyone invented a self- cleaning microwave??? When I bought this new microwave- I had no idea what trouble would lie in wait. The heating element is a pain to clean around.  But- at $50…. I’ll put up with it for a while…. it will eventually die of old age- and then…. THEN my friends- I will find the perfect kitchen appliance.   (However,  with my luck… this microwave will live forever, out of spite.  No worries- this Knight-ess of clean (clean enough, that is) is capable of leaving a spoon in a cup of tea and reheating it until it either: A) causes a nuclear meltdown- thus destroying the evil microwave or B) Scares everyone in the house with sparking and noise enough, to warrant a replacement for breach of trust.

I need to get out more. ‘Nuff said.

Please note- I am fully aware that I could have cleaned every Microwave in Michigan in the time it took to post this….but this, my friends, is considerably more therapeutic.

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43 thoughts on “Dirty Microwave, Bane of my Existence. Leech of my Time.

  1. Maybe you’ve heard this a million times, but if you boil some water in the micro. Then let it sit a bit…the humidity softens much of that stuck on crud. I just wish my kitchen helpers would learn to use a lid…or a paper towel to cover things they know will explode in the microwave.

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  3. And here I thought my microwave smelling like vinegar for the past week from dyeing experiments was bad.

    (cthulhulovesme from Ravelry, by the way.)

  4. Sadly, I, too, need to clean my horribly…disgustingly….dirty microwave. And I have no-one to blame for its current state but myself. *sigh* Oh, and I’m here for the Patons drawing, but feel a little less mooch-ey due to the fact that I read your blog every once in awhile anyway. =o)

  5. Patons drawing … mmmmmm … drool …

    And I have never ever cleaned my microwave. Except maybe once when I cared what my mom thought. Long ago.

    My rav name is paksenarrion. C’mon, random number generator, pick me!

  6. Hey my name on Ravelry is Sannybugknits which also happens to be my blog name, LOL! My Microwave died a, saldly long awaited, death on Thankgiving this past yr so I no longer have to fight the great battle of keeping it clean! BTW we havent replaced it yet 🙂

  7. You know, that is SUCH a good question, about having not yet created a self cleaning microwave! If they can do it for ovens, why not a microwave?
    Thanks for the Patons draw!
    Cdnknitchick on Rav.

  8. Woo hoo! I now have a wordpress name!

    Love the look of your site. Maybe I should migrate? currently:

  9. Thanks so much for posting your blog addy over at Ravelry. I’ve enjoyed reading here . . . I’m also a homeschooling mom with a passel of kids, and it’s fun to read someone with the same unique brand of insanity that I seem to have. ;o) I blog over at Blogger (used to use WordPress, but the Picasa/Blogger functionality won me over), at http://thePassionateMind.blogspot.com; and I’m PassionateMind over at Ravelry.

    Oh, and we don’t use a microwave at all . . . it really doesn’t take a lot more time, and the food tastes far, far better. ;o) Have a great weekend!

  10. Ugh, mine is always a mess. From toddler grime and Chef Boyardee spatter and all manner of revolt.

    Fibersnob on Rav.

  11. I hate cleaning the microwave too, which is why I make my kids do it. Just don’t use any kind of bleach, it will turn the plastic yellow.

    (cinnamonsheep on Ravelry)

  12. I’m here for the drawing.

    Lise on Rav.

    And my microwave cleaning tip: Place a bowl of water with a few lemon slices in the microwave. Heat on high for 2 minutes. Take a clean, damp towel or rag and wipe down the inside.

  13. While a self-cleaning microwave would be fab, I’d settle for one that didn’t absorb the smells of every single freaking thing I reheat. Ugh.

    (heyjulie on Ravelry) 😉

  14. I am so jealous that toy found the Sreet Smart pattern book. I’m lulabelle, on ravelry, and I just found your blog. I really like it alot, and love your photography

  15. I tried to convince my daughter that she should make cleaning the microwave part of her science project. You know, seeing what worked best, just water, water with vinegar, etc. Her teacher didn’t agree. sigh. Please enter me in the drawing. jsample on ravelry.

  16. Your writing is hilarious! I too have no doubt that microwave will be spiteful and live forever!

    Thank you for the opportunity to be part of the contest; a very kind gesture indeed!

    My Rav name is also Savasana.

  17. my microwave is so old that I saw one just like it at a yard sale for five bucks a few years back. it will not die.

    I’m Jesh on Ravelry as well 🙂

  18. I wouldn’t mind a self-cleaning micro or kitchen… but I really want a self-cleaning life! =)

    OrchestraLaugh on rav.

  19. Hi,

    Count me in for the Street Smart drawing too, please!

    And if it makes you feel any better, sophomore year of college my roommates were so gross that I had to throw out my microwave at the end of the year!

    -Shay (KnitsMcGee on the Rav)

  20. I think that you have a great blog! I am bruisin on Ravelry & I am administrator over Newbie Cafe’ (check it out if you have time!)

    please count me in for the drawing too!

    a million thanks!

  21. I’ve had my beast since 1985! It still works but I’m a defroster / reheater more than a ‘cook’ with it. The dial split inside so to figure out the setting you must squeeze it and turn as you extrapolate how far around and too which setting you have landed! It will be time to replace eventually, but like our cars, we will run it into the ground. . . or maybe put the beast upon cinder blocks in our front yard! Thanks for your entertaining insights. I’ve opened a blog but it’s as yet blank: norgemama.wordpress.com and will be playing around as I figure it out! A new adventure.
    Also, made a mistake and posted this on Laced with grace, along with apology. PLease remove if possible from that blog. I’m a newbie!

  22. I saw your post on Ravelry and stopped in for the Patons drawing. (DonnaKnits is my user name there)

    Oh, I hear you about the self-cleaning microwave. I’d buy that!! 🙂

  23. I’m here for the drawing, but I also enjoy other folks’ blogs…I had already read the misadventures of knitting in the round (for the Kauni, I might have done the same, and steeked SHUDDER.) Anyway, your microwave, my microwave, everyone’s microwave. The person who invents a self-cleaning one (or at least an easy to clean one) will be a millionaire in no time flat! At my house recently, we had trouble with a missing vacuum. I wrote a story about that and put it up on my blog…shewolfy

  24. sign me up for the drawing! lovely blog, by the way! 🙂 lucky you, finding the Street Smart patterns!!

    kellyh on Ravelry

  25. As to the microwave, the best cleaning method is to get the spouse to do it. Heh.

    I’m also here from Ravelry, and I’m CelticCoyote over there too. Mighty nice of you to have a drawing…that pattern booklet is in very high demand right now!

  26. I am here from ravelry for your drawing. How generous of you! My username on rav is Tricia.

  27. I need a self-cleaning refrigerator!!!

    I am here from ravelry too. my username is ninja8tofu there too.

  28. sign me up for the drawing

    my ravelry name is tpasto

    and now i have to go back and look at that fair isle you are knitting!


  29. I’d love a copy of the book. I’ve been thinking about getting one, but the drive to actually go GET one is still lacking. 🙂 Thanks for letting us know on Rav about this!

  30. I’ve been looking for that darn pattern book for over a year! Shoot maybe even two years now. I’m loving your autumn sweater. I’m still waiting for my little knits order to arrive 🙂

    Now back to hitting the darn F5 key over and over and over again.

  31. This is very nice of you to offer this pattern book. I was thinking of buying a copy, but I’ll see first if I have any luck with your drawing. Thanks!

  32. I dont even like to open my microwave it just reminds me I forgot to throw the glass plate in the dishwasher before I started it.lol ravelry name is: knottyknitter40

  33. Oh, Tracey! What a nugget of wisdom from an overflowing washer! I am so guilty of this, and this year, I scaled back on a lot of my commitments where I saw the Lord calling me. It’s hard to miss out on the “good” to hold out for the “best.”

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