Most of the time I love my knitting….today I’m torn between love and hate…

061It’s not the knitting thats a struggle.. it’s the reason for it. 

Cancer.

My Mom’s best friend of countless years, has cancer.  I grew up next door to her… her daughter was my maid of honor… if we ran out of toilet paper- we went to Yvonne’s.  If their shower was broken.. they used ours…that kind of close.  We knew each other and our extended families, the good the bad and the messy.

Even though it’s hard knititng- (emotionally not technically) I’m enjoying it.  It’s sad and yet hopeful knitting.  There are happy memories of board games at her kitchen table and listening to records in her livingroom, knit into it.  There are prayers knit in hope of her recovery, and prayers for God’s comfort as she faces this challenge knit in.

A friend recommended the pattern- it’s a popular knit and was specially designed for chemo patients.  It’s from Knitty.com, a free pattern called “Shedir”.  There are tiny travelling cables all over the softly knit cap.  It’s also the perfect balance of thoughtful knitting and thought free knitting.  Enough of a distraction and a focus to help me knit my way through the feelings involved.

Part of me feels an overwhelming peace, this lady is ready to meet her maker. (Well, as ready as anyone ever is, I suppose) Much of what I know about God- I’ve learned from her life… from her actions, more than her words.  But also from being invited to church with her, and hearing the reasons for WHY she is the way she is.  

However another part of me can’t help but be sad and even afraid.  It’s weird when cancer strikes.  First you worry about the person it’s devastating.. then you realize it’s real and can happen to anyone.  Anytime.

 This isn’t my first experience with cancer.. but, apparently, you can suppress its ugly reality between brushes with it.  (if denial were a country I’d be QUEEN for sure) I was there when my grandfather died of  lung cancer.  I watched his breathing slow.. as the breaths became more and more  shallow.. and then there were no more.  I’ve seen what cancer can do.  I’ve also seen it give time to people to grieve and talk and share life in a way they wouldn’t have if death had come swiftly.

Looking at this cap I’m knitting.. and thinking and praying…I keep seeing the twists and turns that are inevitable in life… looking closely they are just a mess. But if you back up a bit.. and give a little tug here and there…sometimes you can find beauty there… among the twists and turns.

That’s my prayer for Yvonne and her family.. that they can find beauty in the twists and turns they are experiencing… and comfort in their God and loved ones… and maybe even in a softly knit with tears and hope hat… from me.

Dear Lord- I ask you to be with Yvonne, to be with my mom as she loves and supports her friend during her illness.  I ask you to bring comfort and healing- I ask you to be present in their pain.. I love and trust you even when life twists and truns- amen

I’d appreciate it if blog readers would pray for Yvonne too- thnx:)

One thought on “Most of the time I love my knitting….today I’m torn between love and hate…

  1. theyarnprincess says:

    I pray that Yvonne has a full and speedy recovery, that she know the blessings of friends and family and that she is able to withstand the pain and emotional turmoil that so frequently accompanies cancer and the treatment of cancer.

    I pray that your mother have the strength to be there for her friend, that she experience the simple blessings of the visiting the sick, and the solace that comes from knowing that for a few moments, you may have lessened someone’s pain, or helped them cope or forget about their illness.

    And for you, I pray for the knowledge that what you are knitting is more than just a gift; it is more than warmth, more than something to cover the possible loss of hair that frequently accompanies chemotherapy. This hat you are knitting is a vessel to hold the love you feel for Yvonne, and when she puts it on, she will feel the hugs that you have knit into envelop her and pour down over her shoulders and her soul.

    I pray that your fingers work with confidence and love and know that you are truly doing God’s knitting.

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