North American Auto Show Charity Preview… Panic- the final countdown. And therapeutic sarcastic humor for all!

Here’s the updated check list-(scroll down to my previous post for the original plan) ***If you happen to read- and see me there- (pudgey red-head- in either a dusty deep lavendary rose-ish- long strapless gown…(or a long black one from the closet- or a short black one…..I can’t decide…sans glasses due to my extreme vanity and excitement over the once a year wearing of false eyelashes…) Say hi;) Told ya- panic has set in……

1) Nails- done. (not much stress there… except I’m always somewhat paranoid that the nail techs are talking about me in Korean…totally my own paranoia.  I hope.)

2) Roots- (Hair- not tree)  currently undergoing their chemical transformation from gray(ish) to red.

3) Shoes?- done- they meet the requirements afore-mentioned- black, high heeled (small platform as well) and beaded.  Comfort level?  May be able to avoid a visit to the podiatrist next week- (see post below)  😉 However- never really can tell until they’ve been worn indoors and outdoors (WHY is this event always one of the coldest days of the year?) over hill and dale….

4) Dress— well- let’s just say I have options.  (yes- I know what day it is… and yes- it really IS this hard for me to decide)

5) Bionic tummy-tuck underwear?  Purchased.  I will breathe during the day- but asphyxiate by night.  If you don’t hear from me- Look for my body under some random car-where I will have been swept by the cleaning crew– think: The Wizard of Oz witches death by house—but without the striped hose and with higher heels.

6) False lashes?  Purchased…. Twice- accidently bought some glittery ones the first time… NOT the look I’m going for. (you would love to see pics of my trying to affix these anorexic caterpillars to my eyelids.  Picture something akin to agility training the same anorexic caterpillar.)  

7) The epic shaving/plucking of all things hairy?  (I’m Italian- this is a long-term project)  This shall begin when I sign off. (insert horror movie music here. And- be very glad that I am not posting a *Blair Witch type video of this event- but- know— it would be an appropriate venue.  Trust me, it’s scary. )

8) Accessories:  Panic has set in- I can either: no longer bear to carry or not locate any of my (too small to carry anything I need) handbags-I’m running out after the chemicals are rinsed and dyeing is complete. It’s quite possible that I de-cluttered/ gave them away in the great house cleaning saga of 2007. Crap.

9) Steel myself for the quizzical looks and conversation stoppage when people ask what I “DO” and I tell them I’m a stay at home mom……get emotionally prepared for the small percentage of people who do not know how to respond to this- and who choose the following options for response:

 a) Completely ignore me for the rest of the conversation

b) Feel like they have to justify their own decision to work… I don’t judge someone elses calling- choice or situational need to work…I’m just doing what I (we) feel is right for us;)

c) In-advertantly invalidate the choices and sacrifices we’ve (my hubby and I) made for me to stay home… by saying “I wish I could …”

d) Try to engage me in “appropriate” topics such as—Marth Stewart’s imprisonment/ subsequent release,  Which mini-van hybrid I prefer or drive (I don’t, seriously my dream car would be convertible and red…but I digress;) and “How I can stand just being home all day”….

FYI- I am fully aware of my over sensitivity  here…. I know, I know….which leads us to:

10) Attitude- God and I will be working on that, for the rest of the day. (OK- the rest of my LIFE;)  I will have a good time.   I will get over myself…. (mostly)  

I don’t actually hate this event- because

a) A number of local charities benefit.

b) It is a valuable networking event for DH.

c) The cars and stuff are all actually quite cool….

d) It really IS fun to play adult dress up once a year….

e) God always grows me (as you can tell there is a lot of room for growth here) through this event….

SEE YOU ON THE OTHERSIDE…..

*****PS for anyone wondering— I am TOTALLY taking something to knit- in the car—- on the way……(tempted as I am- I won’t be strolling the floor knitting a sock in progress… I don’t think…)……..I may even tuck a tiny skein of yarn to pet into my handbag like a security blankie…..;)

2 thoughts on “North American Auto Show Charity Preview… Panic- the final countdown. And therapeutic sarcastic humor for all!

  1. christyn says:

    My brother and his wife are at this event also. You are probably talking to them as I write this and don’t even know. Hope you guys had fun.

    Christyn

  2. emmwlr says:

    Wow – three boys? I have one, with lots of friends. But I do have three girls as well.
    So, need for industrial strength underwear? Check. Hairly enough that it takes a while to defoliate? Check. Refuse to wear my glasses for vanity reasons and then have no idea who I am talking to all night? Check. Witty remark prepared for when people don’t know what to say to my being a stay at home mom? Check
    I’m with you in spirit. Good luck

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *