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Hazards of clearance shopping. A Cautionary Confession.

“Mommy- your eyes look fat”  At least this time he wasn’t talking about my butt being boinky.

The boy is right.  I have to squint to see the screen as I type.  (OK- I have to squint to see my fingers… since I’m the queen of hunt and peck typing;) It’s not a problem with my glasses.  My prescription hasn’t changed in years.  It’s not a problem with the computer.  It’s a problem with my eyes. They are swollen, burning, itchy and puffy.  Not a good look.  (I am however- amazed at the body’s ability to shape shift beyond recognition.)

This weekend I succombed to yet another clearance shopping hazard.  This time it was way discounted make-up. Discounted enough to make me try a brand that I haven’t bought before.  Hence the allergic reaction that has left me with more bags around my eyes than I have in my closet… (I tend to collect bags- what can I say?) Bring on the hydrocortisone/ benadryl cocktail.  Could I get that in an IV drip, please?

This would be fine, if it were a first offense of poor clearance- risk management.  Alas- it was not. I am a repeat offender.

Other hazards I’ve encountered:

1) Clearance hairdye that resulted in purple hair.  (Fine if that’s what you want- but let’s just say my kids wanted to take me in for show n tell- the purple haired mom- a classic) Also clearance hairdye that resulted in jet black hair- but I kind of like the snow-white thing;)

2) Clearance Christmas gifts– OOPS- two left gloves.  Not good unless you’re family has a birth defect of this type. Gift recipients are rarely impressed with my skill at getting more for my gift budget.

3) Countless pair of clearance shoes that are either- “not quite” the right size- two different sizes or two left- or two right shoes…. The worst part?  These are most often purchased for the mister…..which means my shame is public.  EVERY time! (One would think I could learn to double check… but I tend to be blinded not just by allergy swollen eyes- but also by the words “Clearance” and “final Markdown” 

4) Clearance clothes that I MIGHT fit into… (this could go either way- too big or too small.  When I went to MOPS convention- I had to wear black dress pants- I found a pair I liked ON CLEARANCE and bought without trying on—they were 3 sizes bigger than I normally wear- I thought they’d work.  They did not. They were clown pants.)

5) Clearance name brand bags in colors that are pretty in nature- but not so much in clothing. (In other words- I cannot bring my matchy-matchy self to carry them- even IF they were a GREAT deal.)

We will not discuss my many sins of clearance purchases for my kids clothes.  Suffice to say teenaged boys do not like “past season” . 

Safe clearance items?

Yarn. 

thats’ about it;)

Oh my word.  I just thought of something- what if it wasn’t the new makeup- what if I’m allergic to knitting?

hydrocortisone infused candles to burn?  Benadryl laced chocolate?  Coffee benadryl martini?   (I don’t actually drink-(Dad’s a recovering addict)  that’s as close as I’d get to a martini;) Mask gloves and goggles?

 I better go lay down.  I think I’ll ice my face.

Sister clearance shoppers- be careful out there.  Those deals can be brutal.   

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