Dear Garbage Men – (Insert appropriate and updated terminology please-)
This morning- I want to express my sincerest apology. The mountain of trash in front of my home, is putting you behind schedule- and quite possibly at risk of minor injury. Please- for the love of all things clean- LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS… not your backs.
I am embarassed by the mountain before my home- but wish to explain. We’ve been doing serious “Spring Cleaning”. Please be extra careful with the bags from the garage….if they smell like something has died in there- well it’s because something did. You can click to read about the mousecapade. Really, they had to go…a sad reality.
Some of the bags are really heavy and squishy. That’s because they contain my “skinny clothes”.. (weird how that worked out, huh? The Skinny Clothes are heavy;) Most were given away… but these are the ones that ticked me off, ’cause I just don’t see my backside fitting into them regardless of how many hours I spend on the exercise bike. This was an act of therapeutic value- they’ve been in my closet upsetting me for months. Getting rid of them was good for me. Sorry, if it’s bad for you.
Some of the bags are quite lumpy. Be extra careful not to spill them. They are the extraneous contents from under 3 bathroom sinks. I don’t recommend allowing the chemicals (the dregs of various cleaners- hair products, skin products that make your skin look older and yet, have acne at the same time…grand investment.) to mix or spill on you. It wouldn’t be prudent. I think there was a bottle of Nair in there- and though it doesn’t work on us Italian women, I’m pretty sure it’ll eat your skin off- or at least cause baldness. Be forewarned.
I suppose I should also confess that I waited until after dark to take the garbage out- and was tempted to add a couple of our bags to my neighbors trash-(well ALL my neighbors trash, not exactly actually sharing the love) — so it didn’t look like we were such pigs….. but I was pretty tired- and, besides, that felt like lying a bit- so I didn’t. But, I thought about it. Sorry. I want our relationship to be healthy- so, I promise to keep things honest.
I really wanted to bake you cookies or something- cause I know this was WAY over our garbage quota…. but I just didn’t think putting cookies out on top of the trash – even in a ziplock bag- would be a good idea. Besides- my cookies are pretty awesome and they could possibly revive the mice- and we don’t need zombie mice attacking our wonderful garbage men… that would be bad.
In closing—Again- I want to apologize for our exorbitant out put of trash this week. I’m sorry to be such a pain. Thanks for all your hard work-
the piggies in a clean house-(and garage) in Michigan…..
PS……the Bob the Builder couch on top? DON’T take it home to the kiddies…. the “bad cat” mistook it for a litterbox.
PPS—- Please know this- I- (a 3o “something” mom of three- carried most of those heavy bags to the curb. don’t try the “those bags are too heavy for us” thing…. I’ll keep putting them out- every week till the cows come home- or you take them…so you can do it now— or when they grow even more disgusting- it’s up to you.)
To compensate for a post full of garbage….. here is some pretty: