“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too?I thought I was the only one!”~ C.S. Lewis ~
You too? In Elementary school I remember wishing I could find someone like me…..Someone with crossed eyes. Someone with glasses so thick you could actually see…Someone bad hair…and with feet so “pigeon toed” they had to wear braces, “too”.
I never did. Honestly? If I had- I’d have thought they were dorks;) Like I was. But, I did find friends. Friends who were different…. but still the same. In other ways. Firiends who read books and liked music. Friends who loved to pick on boys…..and talk about having our own horses when we grew up.
In Jr High…. there was that mad dash to “find a group” and be a part… we dressed alike, we talked alike….we went to the same orthodontist. We had matching shirts. Lame- but what can I say? It was Jr High.. for petes sake! 😉 “Us too” “Me too” We created our accepted identity in our alikenesses with each other….”You Too” was safe. Whew. Jr High is tough.
In High School… I was a cross over. I liked people with different “you toos.” I hung out with the drama/choir crowd and the “Cross Country” team….I was a prep- with somewhat punk proclivities;) (One of my favorite outfits was a cream and beige plaid drindl skirt with a cream lace blouse and red crew neck tied over my shoulders… finished off with RED tights and RED plastic pumps!) I was pretty much a goody-two shoes who went to the ocassionally toga party.
(Ok— only one.) I found friends in different places. We didn’t have to be “the same”.
It was in high school that I realized that the “You toos” that mattered, weren’t always so easy to see.
They still aren’t.
What are the “You Toos” that connect us? Are they the similarities of preference? Like clothes or humor style or lifestyle of the town where you live? Or are they the “You toos” of circumstance, like marriage, family status (kids-no kids) , divorce, job and income?
I think we make our shopping list of “You Too’s” way too short. We look for people just like us, in circumstances and in preferences…..
I think we’re missing it.
How can I gain a new persepective from someone who sees things like I do? How can “Iron sharpen iron” if we agree on everything? How can I learn to empathize with situations I don’t live… if I know no one in that circumstance?
The relationships that have changed me and grown me the most have been the ones where the “You Too’s” Are so much deeper. Where we see past our differences and find our deeper commonalities, intimacy isn’t found in external sameness, it’s found in the validation of our deepest needs…
I thought I was the only one…..
Who believed- but struggled with doubts.
Who trusted…. but feared.
Who loves God, and sometimes talks to friends before Him, in a crisis.
Who had bad breath after drinking coffee in the morning:(
Who loves being a Mother( or insert your job title here) – but sometimes wants to kill my kids. (or wants to quit)
Who has considered implanting my children (or other loved and cherished person;) with “Lojack” systems……. just to keep tabs;)
Who knows and believes- that God loves her and has a plan…. but sometimes doesn’t FEEL like it.
Who thinks life isn’t fair. But should be.
Who struggles to understand that God isn’t fair. (We usually process the concept of “fair” as equal) But—He is JUST. And that’s better- even if I don’t always like it;)
Who wants to be beautiful….. (inside and out) but wouldn’t waste her money on plastic surgery, and struggles to allow God to do plastic surgery on her soul.
Who thinks women shouldn’t have to have PMS or Periods after giving birth…. it would only be fair;)
Who loves her husband(or friend) …. even when he’s a jerk… and he loves her… even when she’s a jerk… (which is probably more often.)
Who loves a clean house… but hates to clean….
Who was afraid people thought she was “too much”…too loud… too quiet..too opinionated…too wishy washy…too sarcastic…too sensitive…too independant…too stubborn….too pleasing…too dense…too smart…too annoying…too crazy…(too insert your concern here)
Who wants to be known…. but is afraid you won’t like me once you know me.
Who loves God and sometimes wishes He made more sense?
Who knows there is more to life than what we can see?
In my list are really a few simple things- repeated in different ways and different words….
2) Struggle with trust and hope and doubts.
3) Desire to be known.
4) A love for and desire to know- God.
Have you ever met someone that you thought “had it all together” in some way— and “hated” them for it? Until you found out some… “you too” that made you instantly love them? Chances are, it wasn’t their shoe size or clothing preference that made you feel connected. It was their heart. Quite possibly, a need that you discovered you share- when you thought it was yours alone.
Have you ever met someone so different from you you thought…”No way. We have nothing in common”?
Today- I challenge you to look past the surface “you toos” and find the deeper ones in someone you meet. You just may find new friends in unexpected places.
Dear Lord- I pray that you’d help me to see the heart connections past the external distractions- I pray that you’d turn our differences into stengths for each other- I love you Lord- amen.