I can’t help it- I love this stuff. I love searching out the truth. USUALLY.
But- ocassionally- as a Mom, I’ve missed the boat on this one. Instead of asking questions, gathering information, I sometimes- quickly size up a situation and then dole out “the judgement”.
A number of years ago- Mike, (now almost 17) was playing in the living room, happily snipping away with his “child safe scissors” on some scrap paper, working on his “fine motor skills”. (Poor first born– so much pressure!)
I left the room to throw in a load of laundry, (somethings don’t change- seems like I’m ALWAYS doing laundry) when I came back into the room— I saw a little bit of denim on the floor.
Actually, it was a little denim BELT LOOP.
I did the math.
Scissors+preschooler+ new jeans=cut off belt loop=warmed bottom.
Michael absolutely refused to admit his OBVIOUS guilt. I lovingly disciplined him- and sent him to his room, telling him he could come out – when he was ready to confess.
He could still be there.
Why? Not because he’s that stubborn, (though we both are;) but, because of what I found later. While throwing in that days laundry— I cleaned out his tiny little pockets. (absolute necessity with boys- otherwise bugs, toads and miscellaneous rocks will wreak havoc on your washer) ….
I reached in…. and pulled out: another little, denim, BELT LOOP!
Here’s the thing– I ALSO checked the waistband, there were NO missing belt-loops.
Actually, I checked every waistband I could find. (I was THAT convinced, that I had to be right)
The jeans were new- the belt-loop pieces didn’t come from Micheal’s little scissors-(haad I not over-reacted- I might have realized the little crayola scissors would NOt have cut thru belt loop- of folded denim material…) The belt loops were left-overs. They must have come from the factory, where the jeans were made.
I can’t tell you how bad I felt. I accused my little guy of lying, of being intentionally destructive. (All of which he has been on ocassion) I turned my LACK of information- into an assumption, which led to a battle of the wills.
I was tempted to pretend “it wasn’t me”. To tell the “Little boy who cried wolf” story- and somehow blame it on him for having lied in the past….I was tempted, but knew I needed to apologize. It was a tearful . He had the opportunity to forgive me, which he did. Mike still remembers that one. and ocassionally still reminds me to “check your facts, Mom”
Part of being a Mom- or a leader of any kind, actually, is with-holding judgement until you’ve checked your facts. It’s easy to assume that scissors + preschooler+cut belt loops= poor child choice. But does it?
Not necessarily. Take it from me— ya gotta check your facts.
The Bible cautions us (see verses below) not to”embitter” or, in other versions, not to “Provoke” our kids. I’ll tell you this— one thing that provokes me… is being unjustly accused. Or, being condemned without fact checking. 😉
Dear Lord- as a parent,as a leader- it is so easy to make assumptions. Please help me to check my facts, to clarify what I see, to identify my assumptions and make decisions based on the truth. I love your Lord- and ask you to help me- and— I’m SOOOOOO glad you always KNOW the truth. The good bad and ugly. I love you Lord- amen
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Rules for Christian Households 18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
BTW- picture relevance?
Well– Noah , (not Mike- ummm there weren’t accessible digital cameras, back in the day!) looks disappointed in me. But really- he’s just cute-I actually think he was just tired;)
Thats the facts!) ts