Me Do…. All By Myself.
“Me Do It. All By Myself”.
It’s actually funny, when Noah says it… but then— Noahs 4.
Let’s just say- I’m not 4.
It’s not so funny when I say it.
And, yes- I do, well…maybe not EXACTLY….”Me DO, ALL BY MYSELF” But— pretty close.
I LIKE to figure things out for myself. I don’t LIKE to need- help. I fight against it with every bit of my guts….
Honestly- I can usually figure stuff out. I don’t mind looking stuff up— and learning HOW to do things…. but, I mostly like it to be a challenge- that I can overcome— and surprise myself.
I figured out how to fix the pipes under the sink… how to poke holes in the ceiling so the water would drain THRU— and not rot my ceiling… when the washing machine overflowed upstairs.. and started dripping from the kitchen light fixture….I liked teaching “myself” how to knit… and continuing to learn…. pretty much on my own….I liked figuring out how to jump start my car…..how to make stuff “happen” in “excel”…. etc…
Then came that stupid Spinning Wheel.
The Ashford Joy.
I just can’t figure it out… I keep reading the books— I keep looking at websites… It’s truly become a challenge. I can get some fluff to wind onto the bobbin a bit—- but it’s just not fluid… it’s not like a “natural” activity.
I was close to giving up…. then I decided to actually—— ASK FOR HELP.
I went yesterday—- and visited with he owner— she was wonderful…. suggested some great starter fibers—- and a months worth of lessons…… LESSONS? You mean LET Somebody teach me something? I’m supposed to figure stuff out on my own…. she said “Spinning doesn’t work that way”.
OK. So, I start this week.
But- it made me think…….. it made me feel challenged……as a teacher—- I need to constantly- be open to being TAUGHT….. which I try to be.
But— I have to overcome this “attitude” of expectation that I seem to have for myself…
That I SHOULD be able to “Do it All by myself”…. I constantly have to fight that feeling…..I have to LET other people help me. Sometimes- it’s in small challenges- set up by myself… like spinning— sometimes it’s in big challenges- in life… like parenting, my journey with God—- relationships….. etc….
My BRAIN understands that the Bible says that I am supposed to be “Interdependant” a part of a “Body” that works together—- to accomplish a goal…. whether thats in church- or at home— or somewhere else… my EMOTIONS feel like a toddler—- saying “ME DO IT ALL BY MYSELF”
Maybe I’m socially, or spiritually or emotionallly retarded….. I’m not sure. (retarded meaning slow to learn)
Sometimes I have to be reminded about things I KNOW by experience—— like HELLO… I NEED to NEED help sometimes——
Yeah- I know…… there are pride issues wrapped up in it – or ego issues or something…. the name of the issues aren’t as important as what I DO about them…..
I guess this week- as I go to my “spinning lesson” it will be an exercise in learning… yes…. but also an exercise in humility. In a strange- small and somewhat silly way— it’s a chink in the armor of my pride…. an admission of weakness— I can’t learn this alone…. I need help.
Hmmmm…. in the back of my mind— I wonder if this “exercise” will burn many calories… ()
I think there maybe some spiritual FAT to burn off in this area…….. I’ll let you know how it goes— spinning or oherwise.
Dear Lord— you and I have talked about this stupid stubborn streak in me SO many times…. thanks for being so patient- so gentle- and for showing me over and over—- how much I need help— please help me to be always growing in this area— not in relation to yarn Lord—- but in so many other areas. Help me to be teachable. I love you Lord- amen.