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Cold Feet, Broken Heart.

No, I mean, LITERAL cold feet. For nearly 3 decades I have had frosty toes at night. (What woman doesn’t? Bonus: hot-flashes & cold feet. Fantastic.Just saying.) For the same period of time I have cuddled up with my favorite person and slipped those icy toes behind him and they found warmth. He shared his warmth. (Not exactly always willingly……

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A safe place to worship…. #MOMcon17

Confession: my husband died on May 13, and I haven’t physically been to church or worshipped with others, since. (I know? Right? Yes, I’m still a follower of Jesus. No, I’m not avoiding God. (This time.) I’ve been avoiding the pain of worship without the man who first showed me who Jesus is. I’ve been avoiding missing his hand in…

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The Jealousy of Grief

I wish I could say that grief has made me more sensitive to others. It hasn’t. It’s made me even more selfish. Just what I needed. Seriously. So frustrating! On my best day I have trouble seeing past myself. This is not helpful. It’s also: normal. But, I still feel like a jerk. What’s surprised me most so far about…

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The Shoes We Don’t Choose… A Mile In A Widow’s Shoes

When I started this book project (click the ” a mile in her shoes” tab for details) I imagined spending time in a Hijab, talking about schooling choices, testing the crunchy granola waters and finding out whether all tattooed people have been to prison and ride Harley’s. (Not so much. Many are art collectors… who knew?) I had no idea…

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Maps, Apps and a Pain in the…Compass. In which I prefer detailed maps to carrying a compass but I’m getting over it.

North? South? East? west? Where is the sun? Where am I going? Where am I? Where am I going? How do I get there? Usually, I have no clue. To say I’m directionally challenged doesn’t begin to cover it. I get lost going to the bathroom. At my own house. (That’s a lie. But it could happen.) Confession: I lived…

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It is well, with my soul. If not my life.

My house is a mess. One dog is throwing up, and another seems to think the aroma around here should change. No, he's not a sudden Young Living fan. This is not an essential oil thing. Laundry? It's in process. In process of being rewashed for the 15th time. I accidentally locked myself out of several accounts trying to "adult"…

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The Science of Grief

"To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." It's not just about physics. It's about love and loss. (Gah. I said it again. I didn't lose my husband. He died. If I lost him, I'd eventually find him. In the last place I look. With earrings that's usually in my bra or shoe. Doubt I'll find him there.…

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A Holy Horror- in which the brutality of death collides with the mercy of Christ

I expected labored and slowed breathing. I expected the meds to be pushed to their legal limits to keep my husband comfortable. I expected pain and suffering. I expected a slow fade. I expected death. I expected God to be present. I thought I was prepared. I'd been present during the holy moment of passing before. Not all deaths are…

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Of grief and giggles

Grief. Is weird. It’s exhausting, it encompasses everything from savored joys to excruciating pain and everything in between.  It also makes you do weird things.  Like:  Awkwardly telling some poor kid just trying to wait tables for spending money, that your husband died and it’s Father’s Day …when she asks if you’re at Mongolian BBQ  for any special reason. Did…

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In Memory of Kyle Solomon, My favorite person.

Dearly beloved, we gather today to get through this thing called life. (Some of you will enjoy the Prince reference, I know Kyle did.) We also gather to celebrate the life of and grieve the loss of my favorite person. Grief is a part of love and life. Everyone here sees different aspects of Kyle. Like pieces of a brilliant…

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