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The paper-cuts of grief…

It’s not the big things. The big things pretty much hit you in rapid fire: The absence. The empty chair. The quiet lulls in conversation you know they’d be filling.. The emotional upheaval… the firsts: Birthday. Anniversary. Christmas. Family gathering. Those are the samurai sword like cuts of grief. They hit hard and cut deep. After a while, they slow…

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Even Here. When I can’t be. Parenting with faith.

“I’ll always be there for you.” At least…Until.. i guess: I can’t. We recently experienced that day. One I understood in theory, but not by experience. Theory is so much easier than practice. My phone rang sometime after 10:00 pm.. I should have known it was bad. I answered to hear this: “I’m ok. But, we’re going to the ER.…

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Trapped. In Target Clearance. #literally

“Teal. Black Leopard spots. Flowy. Sleeveless. And on clearance? Yes!!!!Am I dreaming?” If only I knew then, that the dream would soon become a nightmare. “Black skinny jeans. Today is the day. I’m feeling that teal leopard top. Black cardigan? Check. I’m wearing it.” Oh the things I think, when I’m fresh from the shower and contemplating my day. I’m…

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Sit. Or dance?

I prefer not to look stupid. (I have issues.) This is why I don’t line dance. I’m the who’s off just enough to get elbowed and step on toes and start a dance apocalypse. Apparently people have problems with that. Cha cha electric hustle slide? Nope. Not happening. It’s not just dances that I refrain from because of this preference.…

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Reclaiming life and home…

There is a moment in the grieving process when you put your head up, wipe the tears and suddenly see, for the first time, how grief has affected (infected?) everything around you. It happens some time after you notice the warmth of the sun through a window and you catch yourself laughing out loud at some stupid Netflix show. What…

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Father’s day… in a family without one.

The card aisle at Target has been excruciating for the past month. I’ve walked all the way around the store to avoid it. Every Facebook ad is for another gift. Home Depot is a nightmare. Even the grocery store is touting steaks for dad! But there is no dad here, anymore. Father’s Day. For almost 3 decades it’s been a…

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The second year of grieving- what now?

The first year of grief is all about pain, stabilization and survival. The second year? Rebuilding. Here’s the thing- I have no idea what to build. A new life as a single woman… sure. I don’t know what that looks like. How can I build without a blueprint?When we built our home, we had shopping a list of negotiables and…

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