Sin and the sinners who hate it. Aka: me. Learning to embrace and give grace to my dark side. #starryeyed

It happens everyday. I don’t do the things I should, and I say and do things I shouldn’t. For decades I’ve believed in God’s grace. But I mostly used it as fuel for self hatred.  “If I really love God shouldn’t I be able to follow his commandments?” More than… Read more“Sin and the sinners who hate it. Aka: me. Learning to embrace and give grace to my dark side. #starryeyed”

“Write what you know” What Do You Write When you Don’t Want To Talk About What You Know?

It’s been quiet here. I know.  I’ve lived my writing life by the adage “Write what you know.” The problem is: I don’t want to talk about what I know. I’m sick of writing about cancer. I’m sick of writing about grief of all kinds and the struggle to get… Read more““Write what you know” What Do You Write When you Don’t Want To Talk About What You Know?”

Whistling in the Wind

“The sun will be out any minute. I can see a hole in the clouds moving this way.” This was my mantra for 45 goosebump-covered minutes while a whipping wind blew clouds over the lake. And over the lake. And back over the lake again. I was desperate for a… Read more“Whistling in the Wind”

Assuming the Best. Which I suck at. 

Assumption junction, it’s a crossroad where many relationships go off the rails.Someone says something, writes something or does something and we assume the absolute worst. The worst intent. The worst outcome. The worst meaning. The worst.  I’ve gone off the rails that that nasty spot too many time to count. … Read more“Assuming the Best. Which I suck at. “

Target, Spaghetti Sauce and a Little Love

I know that feeling. Standing at the register, child in the cart, packing bags around them, one hand gripping all the cash you could find in your house and car  along with your debit card you’re about to play cashier roulette with. When the cashier tells you the total, you… Read more“Target, Spaghetti Sauce and a Little Love”

You can’t always agree with what you read..(or get what you want, but if you try some times you just might find, you read what you need.) 

Truth: I don’t always agree with everything I read. I read anyway.  Truth: there is no one on earth I always agree with. (People, I question Jesus. Seriously. Some stuff he says is insane. I eventually believe it, but I’m being real. I question and disagree before I get there…. Read more“You can’t always agree with what you read..(or get what you want, but if you try some times you just might find, you read what you need.) “

Walkers are the new black. Wheelchairs are the new blue. I did not register for this.

Today, is a good day. Lest any of my friends and family freak out. Today is good. However, I’ve been writestipated for a few weeks and need to get this out in order to move on. (Writestipated- when one cannot pass an idea. It’s constipation for writers.) I remember spending… Read more“Walkers are the new black. Wheelchairs are the new blue. I did not register for this.”

Hope Twinkles in the Dark. 

Confession. I often wonder how and why I’m here. At MOPS. On the board. In ministry. On Earth. Not because I don’t feel called or equipped, but because it just doesn’t always make a lot of sense.  There has been a lot of darkness in mine and my families lives,… Read more“Hope Twinkles in the Dark. “

Even Here, When I Can’t Even.

I can’t even.    Believe we’re facing another cancer crisis.  Believe we’re in the hospital, again. Believe the timing. (Days before my youngest turns 14.) Keep up with how many different specialist consults we’ve had. Do laundry. (Can’t even remember how many times I’ve re-washed the load that’s currently in… Read more“Even Here, When I Can’t Even.”

Noticing The Goodness That Is There, Every Day

I tend to be a little hyper-focused at times. (I also tend to totally lack focus at other times. It’s called balance. Or maybe, ADD.) Truth is,  I’ve been in a long season of hyper-focus. Managing daily life, my home and family’s needs, and caregiving through an entire series worth… Read more“Noticing The Goodness That Is There, Every Day”